Funny Sword Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – I am Mio.. Mio Kashiwara
Some edit by Max and Heavy Edit by Jayblue

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A soft drizzle sprinkles the city landscape. I sit by the window, gazing outside at the millions of drops of water falling towards the earth. My name is Mio Kashiwara, and I was just accepted into college last semester. As an art major, I don’t really have much to do on-campus… My grandfather is a master craftsman and I essentially inherited his skills- I’ve never really had much of a social life. My hobby is playing online games— was during high school at least. My parents were killed in a traffic accident on graduation day. Since then, I’ve lived with my grandfather. But, not long ago he returned to the mountains, leaving me alone in his house, which doubles as an antiques shop.

 

…….

 

Once a month, my grandfather comes back, bringing Japanese swords and other medieval-styled weapons. Yes, he is a blacksmith, he can smith all kinds of weapons. But, since this isn’t feudal Japan, the weapons end up as a part of the shop collection and are put on display. Our primary customers are visiting foreigners.

 

“Hmmm…. i think this kind of life is boring. I wonder, what kind of job I’ll be eligible for once I’ve graduated.” I mumbled to myself. (Mio)

 

Since I am living in the house, I am also required to take care of the shop. But since this is a rather unique speciality shop, we do not really get many casual visitors; only the few who always make an appointment in advance. Our clientele is primarily from the West, primarily the United States of America. Worry not, they pay heftily for our merchandise. My grandfather and I have little to worry about when it comes to covering the living expenses, selling a single sword allows us to live luxuriously for 6 months if not more. It is truly a blessing that my grandfather is a master craftsman, whose skills are world renown. Despite the comfortable lifestyle it funds, I have no interest in his trade or in continuing the business. I just lack the patience needed to design a single weapon. The heat from the scorching metal simply makes me uneasy and I don’t want to spend my life moulding it, while everyone around me lives on happily.

 

Bored of watching the downpour, I powered up my desktop computer. My room is what you’d call a gamer’s hovel. It’s littered with gaming magazines, disks, some consoles and an old VR helmet. Not to forget the Ero Mags or DVDs I like keeping hidden under my bed.

 

I opened the browser and decided to search the keywords ‘2035’s most attractive games’, yeah those were my keywords. Some results popped up, ‘Goggle’ search engine is rather useful at times like these. As most do, I clicked on the top result and redirected to the home page of a game’s website. On the header is written ‘Fantasia Online’ … seriously, the publisher’s naming sense must be a bit broken; a game so popular has a name so bland. But, I still wander the webpage, there are several announcements listed. Soon I deduce, the game hasn’t been launched yet, and secondly its a Virtual Reality game. My interest is immediately piqued  by that piece of information. Another 5 minutes of research reveals that there are thousands waiting impatiently for the game’s launch date. Further research tells me that the game will be available for purchase on the 24th of August, it will be realistic to a near annoying level and I’ll need to work a job in the game as I do in real life. The last part of information displeases, my reality pretty much sucks and the game might just turn out to be a copy of it.

 

“Hmm, 24th August.” I say to myself, “Fortunately I have enough time to get in line at the game store before copies run out.”

 

……

 

Even though a semester has passed, I haven’t made a single friend- let alone a girlfriend. And now, I am planning to jump into the rather anti-social life of a gamer- no different from when I was in high school. Back then I didn’t even care about making friends. I was content passing my days inside of numerous games. Now that I look back, I regret not leading a ‘regular’ life or even making an attempt at getting a girlfriend.

 

I feel the need to emphasize on the word ‘girlfriend’, I know readers hate the word, but it can’t be helped. I’d really like one.

 

The dark cloud, starved of moisture soon breaks apart, allowing to sun to brighten the gloomy city below. I decide to get some fresh air, I walk down the stairs to the ground floor- which houses the shop and leave the building through a small side door, built into the side of the house. The shop’s front entrance tends to be locked when its closed.

 

The date is 19th August, it’s a sunday. The streets are full of individuals, couples and families out for a leisurely stroll since its the weekend. My house is on the edge of town, so its a bit of the walk to the city centre. Very well, walking makes for decent exercise.

 

I live in a rather small city, named Mamehara. None of its residents quite know what ‘Mamehara’ really means- including me. But we don’t quite care, we love are city and are happy to continue living in it.

 

After a 30 minute walk, I arrive at the city center. It’s rather crowded and annoyingly its full of couples engaging in gross amounts of PDA- holding hands and kissing, sure rub it in my face. I can’t help but stare at them, simply speechless. I regret leaving the house, since all I’m left with is jealousy.

 

Being single, I have no option but to avert my eyes, to simply ignore it. I simply rushed to the game store, it’s been awhile since my last visit. I believe it was before my parents passed. The store’s owner is a rather muscular German man, who comes across as a weaboo, regardless I like him and we get along. After all, he lets me purchase games rated ‘18 and above’ even though I am underaged.

 

On entering the shop, I am greeted by an almost familiar cashier, it’s not my old german friend but a girl. Beautiful and blonde, with a refined air about her. I guess she’s half german, with the other half being Japanese. Her eyes are round with grey-green irises, much like her old man’s, she doesn’t belong in a game store, its not good for my blood pressure or for most of the sexually starved clientele. Regardless to say, I want her.

 

“Welcome to Mamehara game shop deeeessssssuu!!” she greets in the usual fashion.

 

….

 

My imagination is shattered, seriously, what the actual f**k. ‘Desuuu?’ the ‘U’s hang in the air even after she’s gone silent. English and then finishing with desu, she sounds just like her father. He too intentionally emphasizes that sentence-ending word while using a foreign language despite being able to speak Japanese fluently.

 

“Hi.” I say hesitantly.

“Um, may I help you with anything.” the bodacious blonde goddess asks.

“Are the shop’s new manager?” I ask her.

“Yes, what do you mean though? I have been working here for over 3 months you know?”

“No, no.” I stutter nervously, “Isn’t this shop run by an old man.”

“Oh, you mean my father.”

 

…….

 

I silenced myself… just what the hell, I think to myself. This cute bishoujo in front of me is the weaboo’s daughter. Dark, perverted images drift into my head, did the German rape a Japanese Woman?! I shouldn’t jump to conclusions but I feel bad for the girl. I calm myself and try to force such thoughts out of my head. For all I know this cutie isn’t his bastard child. I brace myself and resume our ‘conversation’.

“Haaaah!! Your father?!”

 

…..

It was unexpected, despite all of the thinking I still ended up reflexively shouted at her. Embarrassing I’m everyone’s object of attention.

 

“S-sorrry..” I whisper with a stutter. “Are you really his daughter?”

 

She answered cheerfully “Yeah customer-san.. do you happen to know my father? You seem too young to be his friend,… ummm, would you happen to be my long-lost brother?” I begin to think there is something wrong with her but she quickly redeems herself. “H! I’m joking you know. My name is Miyamura Karelsha, nice to meet you.”

 

I force myself to regain my composure, “Umm.. I am Mio.. Mio Kashiwara, nice to meet you too and sorry about my outburst.”

“Hehe.. no problem, anything I can help you with?”

“Ermm, I’ve actually come by to see your old man. Just to say hello, but yeah..where is he now?”

“Hmm, my papa went back to German, he’s planning to open a J-game shop there.”

“O-oh..”

Now I’m in a tight spot, the old man would have sold me the game, though I do not meet the age requirements. But now he’s gone, I guessed the business must be successful now that’s he’s opening a shop in his homeland. However, I find it surprising that he has left his daughter behind to care for the shop.

“Hmm, why won’t you say something? Do i look weird?” says Karlesha, breaking me out of my trance.

“Ahh, why are you here in Japan Karelsha-san? He could have just hired an employee to watch the store.”

“Actually, I am just helping out with the shop for pocket money. There’s already a full time worker here. I am currently studying in Japan”

“Why would you study on Japan, it’s so far away?” I ask surprised.

“My papa wants me to be a good Japanese girl.” She adds shyly. “After all my mother is a Jap.”

“Ohh.. I wasn’t aware he’s married. So didn’t really expect to meet his daughter.”

“My face resembles my mama, but my hair and eyes looks just like my papa’s.” she explained, amused by my reaction.

The conversation slows down, after all we’ve just met and have little in common to talk about. At this stage our relationship is still cashier-customer and I try to work that angle.

 

“Have there been many new games in the past six months?” I ask.

“There have been many, any particular genre you’re looking for Mio-san?”

“I’m looking for an adventure game, a JRPG in particular.” Lowering my voice, I add, “With adult content.” I couldn’t help but feel guilty, asking the supposedly innocent girl something so- nasty for the lack of a better word. Normally, I would have just checked the rack in the 18+ section but, I’ve lost control around her.

 

“Hmm, there are only two games in that category, Ero JRPGs iare hard to come by these days” She laughs. “We have [Exotic dungeon of tentacles] and this one is [Oda Nobunagi : False story of Genderbending Nobunaga] .. I doubt you’d be interested in the Yaoi games, so I won’t suggest them.

 

“A-ahh, yeah , I’m not really into Yaoi… may I see the box?”

 

She hands me the game, but instead of reading the game’s description I end up wondering how the girl can be so calm suggesting an ero game. She must be trained. Finally i read the game synopsis, [Exotic dungeon of tentacles] Feel the humiliation! The player gets the chance to be a prince that travels the land in order to find the perfect girl. Only to have a sudden wave or tentacle monsters endanger his woman, whom he must protect. I can’t help but smile wryly, though enjoyable it just seems to be the usual cliched shit. Next I moved onto [Oda Nobunagi : False story of Genderbended Nobunaga] the story was about Oda Nobunaga that’s been transformed into a woman and has to explore the castle while trying not to get raped… I stop my reading and hand the boxes back.

 

“Not really interested interested in these.” I tell her. “Karelsha-san, do you know about Fantasia Online?”

“Eh.. that VR game, right? The game chips will be on sale in 5 days. Mio-san, are you interested in buying that game?”

“Yeah, kinda… it has been a while since I last played a game that I liked, and Fantasia Online seems to intriguing.”

“Heeee..” she whispered “Want me to save one for you? Tell you what, since you’re papa’s friend I’ll sell you the game but for 25% more than the market price. Its 15250 Yen, 25% more would be 19062, but because I’m nice I’ll sell it to you for just 19000 Yen. And because you seem like some kind of weak hikkikomori boy who wouldn’t last in the crowd, you don’t have to line up. After all I care about your health.”

 

I found myself dumbfounded, this girl has turned out to be a beast. She claims that she’s nice but only from a 62 Yen discount after a 25% markup. On top of that she just insulted me. My evaluation of her was wrong. She’s anything but innocent.

 

“Ummm, thanks for the suggestion. I’ll take you up on the deal. 19000 Yen right? I’ll bring it by tomorrow.”

 

I felt robbed but powerlessly gave in to the thief. I left the shop heartbroken. The blonde bombshell actually called me a weak hikkikomori. Do I really look so weak, that I wouldn’t even last in line? I mentally thank her for killing my self-esteem.

 

I walked to the park, not giving a damn about the couples and lovers enjoying a romantic evening. From a vending machine, I get a canned carbonated drink. I open the can and drink like a water starved beast. The fizzy drink, somehow makes me feel better.

 

I miss the old man, he’d suggest the best Ero-game in stock and sell it to me with only a 10% markup. But now I have to deal with his dirty minded daughter, I decided I’d avoid the shop once I got what I wanted.

 

I sit down on the bench for a while. Asshole couples with content faces pass, I hate them. A sudden pressure in my lower abdomen alerts me, my bladder is on the verge of exploding. I need a toilet before I wet my pants.

 

Good grief, a public toilet. After releasing the highly-pressurized water stream my evil bird calms down. Next on the agenda, is to withdraw money from the Atm, for the transaction tomorrow. Of course cash is preferred in such under the counter activities. However, I check my wallet to find I left my card at home and the money I have is inadequate, hence I start my journey back.

 

Along the way I found a little girl, crying by the road. “Mama… where is my mama?”she cried. I guess she’s lost and decide to help her.

 

“Okay, let this onii-chan here help you, I’ll bring you back to your mama.” I say. I bow down, readying myself to piggyback her. However suddenly a woman starts screaming not far away, from near the public toilet.

 

“Help !!! A man is trying to kidnap my daughter! Help me!”

 

“Crap, just what the fuck happened?!”

 

The girl that’s on my back starts shouting happily. “Mama!! Mama!!”. I feel a blunt weapon hitting my head and the world goes dark.

 

I awaken in the police station. An officer bows before my. “Sorry for the false accusation, everything has been cleared!!”.

 

I remain silent. I touch my head to find it bandaged. “Ah , no problem. I am also at fault.” I reply. Internally, I curse him for hitting a weak hikkikomori who was only trying to help a little girl. God my self esteem has dropped so low, I’m calling myself that awful work. “Ermm, I’ll be going back for now. Thank you for your hard work!”

 

“Ahh.. I am sorry but thank you!”

 

The sky has taken on a shade of orange. Evening is approaching, I guessed I had been out cold for close to 3 hours. I need to return home, however my growling stomach reminds me that I missed lunch.

 

From a convenience, I decide to buy a rice ball set.

“It’s 750 JPY sir.” says the cashier.

It’s then I realize, my wallet is empty. Cold beads of sweat spring up on my back. I’ve been robbed. I guessed it wa the little girl who took it while her morther was talking to the police. The cashier is looking at me suspiciously, I don’t know whether it’s because of the embarassed look on my face or the fucking bandage on my forehead.

 

“Ermmm.. anoo…I- I didn’t..bring..mmmm-mmoney..”

 

A girl appears out of nowhere by my side, apparently to my rescue. She hands the cashier a  10000 Yen note and says, “Just add it to my bill.”

 

“Thank you very much for your patronage!” says the cashier.

 

“Huh.. that was a close call Kashiwara-san…” says my savior.

 

“Ermm.. thank you for saving my face.”

 

“Ahhaha, no worry no worry. We are in the same department and class in the college, so we’re friends aren’t we?”

 

To my embarrassment I realised, I neither know her name, nor do I remember her face.

 

“Sorry but what’s your name?” I ask her, nonchalantly.

 

“Hehe, as expected from Mio-san, you don’t even remember our lecturer’s name most of the time. So I can’t expect you to recognize me. I am Harumi, Harumi Kawatani, 19 years old. Nice to meet you Mio-san!”

 

“Ahh, Haruka-san, right?!!..”

 

“Umm , It’s Harumi.” She interrupts.

 

Its appalling that my brain deleted her name from the registry within 5 seconds.

 

“A-ahh, yeah, Harumi-san. Nice to meet you, I am Mio Kashiwara.” I tell her though she already knows my name. “I too am 19 years old.”

 

The girl is cute but I keep my guard up since its been an unlucky day.  “Ahh Mio-san, I need to return home now, thank you for recognizing me! Bye and see you tomorrow in class” She says, ensuring my poor fortune doesn’t ruin things. She turns the corner and disappears from sight. I had noticed a blush on her face, and couldn’t help but wonder if she had a crush on me, I keep my hopes from getting high as I walk back home.